5 NATAL REPORT FOR SAIDA Mercury in the Ninth House represents a strong mental connection between your inner awareness and the natural laws of expanded perspective: higher learning, philosophy or religion. You have a keen-witted and idealistic mentality, with great powers of logic and deduction. You enjoy a wide range of studies, through reading and travel. You are also naturally inclined to teach what you perceive and discover, for your idealism is strong. You are very direct in thought and expression and will say exactly what is on your mind, giving you a reputation for lack of tact. You may be subject to visualizing grand possibilities and centering your perceptions on the larger issue, rather than on the details. Your thought process is better suited for exploring and advancing your position on a particular topic than for cautious investigation of every angle. You are the consummate student and teacher of life, at your best when you can exchange ideas with others and constantly expand your perceptions. Chiron in Taurus (18° Tau 49') Chiron in the Twelfth House Chiron in the Twelfth House (or sign) represents issues with one's vital force to be at home in the world of physical manifestation. You may feel frustrated and alienated from rest of mankind, or more at home in a world of fantasy than in dealing with what is laughably called "the real world". You have a talent for that which is beyond this world, and can make your mark on it in your own particular fashion, which may perhaps be achieved in the worlds of music, or poetry, or as a seeker for higher truth. But these are ways of being in the world without actually participating in it. Possibly there were painful episodes from early childhood that drove you into a world of your own, but you have come to be quite at home in this world, and the issue for you is coming out with style and dignity, rather than by totally abandoning your inner cosmos. Again and again, you attempt to be a part of it all, just like everyone else, and again and again it just doesn't quite work. There may be many painful episodes before you realize that what is "for everyone" out there is just not for you at all. You may do work with other people, in helping them to be peaceful and comfortable in connecting their own lives to a higher truth, without ever really getting it yourself. Of course one is tempted to blame oneself for this sort of failure to connect. There are deep emotions associated with withdrawal from the world that must be examined if you are to begin to operate from a feeling of wholeness and truly make your own way. There is a part of yourself that has been carefully hidden away, defended from the pressures of consensus reality, and it may take a lot of work to get in touch with these dark places. It may be that you come to a sense of peace with your darker, more hidden self only after a long period of soul-searching. When you begin to make your way on this process of integration, then you find that there really is a way to be a part of the world
6 NATAL REPORT FOR SAIDA at large, to participate and share in its wonders and its disasters too, without giving anything up. It is not easy to make this transformation, but it is vital to your emotional health and well-being, and makes it possible for you to reach out to others as well, who may be fumbling towards a similar apotheosis. The following applies to your generation as a whole as well as to you personally: Chiron in Taurus (or the Second House) represents issues with one's vital force to attain sustenance and possess resources. With this placement of Chiron you are challenged by physical resources, or perhaps spiritual resources, because the physical often reflects the spiritual. You may be one who has seen everything taken away at one time or another, or you may have risen above challenging circumstances materially to a better economic standard than your upbringing conditioned you to expect. Either way, you may demonstrate a painful attitude toward material well-being. Perhaps you have a fear of possessions dominating your life. Where others are able to count on their resources, either materially, or physically, or within their own psyche, and trust that they will have whatever it is that they need, you always find yourself suspicious that it will not last. Even if what you have is more than adequate by some standards, it seems somehow not enough to satisfy you. You may dream of giving everything up, and moving to the country. These feelings may also spill over into deep issues regarding your core values, that which defines you in terms of what you choose to support and give credence to in the world. You may feel at sea in this area, and not on stable ground, and perhaps be envious of other people who seem more sure of what they do and don't find attractive. These ambivalent feelings toward material possessions and your values may find their roots in experiences from early childhood, in which you were criticized or otherwise had painful experiences around what you wanted for yourself, independently from the expectations of your parents or other significant formative persons in your early life. Sometimes these issues are so painful that it is easier not to deal with them directly, and you may find that working with other people's material security becomes a focus of your professional life. In this way, you can work on your issues in safety, rather than confront potentially painful realizations buried in the depths of your psyche. But getting more in touch with these deep and partially repressed feelings is of ultimate importance for you, as your consciousness evolves. When you have confronted those parts of yourself that are painful and scary, and begun to integrate the feelings that you have buried away, you are more in charge of your own ship and the course you take through life, and are better able to help others with their issues as well.